Monday, February 1, 2010

The Passing of January.

Tadaima, burogu-chan. It's been a (month) while.

For some reason, I don't really feel like blogging. And I pity those who did and suffer just because it happened that the WEBLOG which their daily lives were documented were scrutinized. VERY THE.

We noticed how it went, but chose to ignore the passing of january, 2010. Hence, along came february. I was no exception. However, as much an 'ignorant' I had been, fortunately a few of my resolutions were achieved.

For example, I went to Singapore with dear friends last Friday midnite till Sunday early morning and that was my very first experience of being 'oversea', or outside the border of the dearly motherland that is Malaysia.

Being in Singapore, it certainly had liberated me from being too inward looking without me even realizing it. All these while, at the comfort of the nation and the status quo, we had the tendency into thinking that none feels better than at home. I beg to differ. Being in Singapore, such a small country island, yet with such planned environment, it gave me new perspective in life. Enuff said.

I always had this writer's block upon facing the computer screen. I guess my biggest problem with blogging is that I often wonder and even ridicule at my own writings into thinking who in the world would read my ramblings.

But at the moment, I feel that I needed an outlet for me to express and to channel all the bottled up emotions and whatnot that I had been keeping for at least the month long of January.

I dread knowing the timeline of AE. Thesis writing had never been my forte. I don't think I have the researcher's quality, nor the passion at the moment to pursue any research activity.

I dread knowing I'm turning 25 this year without a soulmate to complete the self of mine. It makes me wonder, where did I go wrong along the journey called life to having had missed the bliss of love. Cewah so lovey dovey. LOL

I dread knowing that I had gained weight ever since the last Raya and that those 'baby weights' are not shedding themselves off and instead hopping into my bandwagon. It has been tiring and heavy ever since T___T

On a brighter note, I bought a new phone, Nokia E63 to satisfy one (or two, or a combination) of the deadly sins which is greed and envy. Throughout my varsity as well as the shortlived practicum lives, I had witnessed various people with fancy phones on their palms. Looking at my meager mediocre tool, sometimes I couldn't help to feel inferior and insignificant. Oh Em Ji the digital-nerd syndrome. The utmost reason for the purchase is really to view the documents on the phone and started donning the executive 'air'. LOL. Sometimes I wonder why am I still holding on to my PSP without playing it myself and handing over the gameplay sessions to my kyodai (siblings) instead.

As much as I hate to admit it, I am one of those who like the idea of having something, and never wanting to let it or them go. Yes I am living by the past. The experience of going to KL from Low Yat to finally Sg Wang where I bought the console along with Wan Nurul Fyda was a priceless experience. Gigih ni naik bas Rapid pegi beli. I remembered swooning over the handheld and couldn't wait till I arrived home that I started fiddling with Final Fantasy Crisis Core and being blown away by the graphics. And later on playing Tekken which I never really understood on the craft of playing one. I really wonder where did the excitement of playing all the games go now T___T

I am also the strong proponent of the notion that age is just a number. The past had molded me into becoming a person who is strongly attached to everything Japanese - the manganime, gemu, and not so much of, the food. How I even wish to live there for the rest of my life. Such farfetched dream T___T

The continuum of early and later experience had also shaped me into becoming who and what I am today. Had I gone through a different path, things oughta be different. Again, hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20.

The journey of my varsity life which spanned across for 7 years now is about to come to an end. Of at least a month or two should I ever decide and am offered with the opportunity to pursue a Masters degree. Let me tell you something - the PYGMALION effect is demn tiring to live up to the exception on day-to-day basis. So I urge the public to stop imposing the expectancy theory incessantly. Make it stop. please.

What would become of my life then? What would I make of my life later? Having been leading a life at the comfort of the educational premise which is the varsity, admittedly, I never escape from taking few or many things for granted. When I first informed that I was successfully admitted to TESL, I was over the moon. Now that I think about it, I can only wonder where did all the excitement go?

To be competent, I believe in adopting Sun Tzu's Art of War. If your enemy is taking a step forward, then you must double it. Must always be a step ahead. I need to read the book again, since I forget 99% of the content now. LOL.

I need my other half so badly that it's not even funny that it doesn't rhyme. Hence, I might commit 'professional hypocrisy' at times upon listening to telltales of lovey-doveys.

Recently, I had been reading The Secret for quite some time now (reason: slow reading, even shorter attention span T__T) and it tells that really, the secret to a wonderful life is to be POSITIVE AT ALL TIME, or so I was told. Like, really? What about the other emotions, then? I always like to embrace the different sides of me and different emotions feel like different skin I am wearing and I like it. Such low Emotional Intelligence that I have ;p

Really? That I could no longer dwell on being MELANCHOLY? No fun T__T

I need to stop now.