Monday, March 8, 2010

A Hurried Post.

To me, potential is simple. It's challenging yourself over the limit you impose to yourself.

Potential is triggered when you had experienced life-changing experience.

To me, that happened after SPM, when I flopped badly I didn't even want to reminisce.

It was from there, where I picked up the bits and pieces, of what's left of me, my pride and my dignity and from there, I started charting my life, particularly with another life-changing event that was applying to change program to Pre TESL.

I didn't make it, it was heartbreaking, I failed to see the clause on loans and I served up my time in Lendu.

I NEVER REGRET ANY SINGLE MINUTE BEING THERE.

Because life has always been full with things that change your life in one way or another, I learnt a very important lesson of not being static and comfy with the status quo.

Despite my shabby appearance, I want to say that I believe that I am highly competitive, but not to the extend of being a cutthroat. I peered at and poses questions asking of others' result in the most subtle way as I saw it, at the same time remaining very grounded over the fact that this knowledge and so-called genius-ness are just again, loans from God.

What I do believe that people always undermine themselves in the first place. I want to say that though I am not high and might with the way I am, I am proud and grateful that because of the way I am, I am constantly fed with challenges day by day, and I try to live my life through meeting up with the challenges.

This is my way of seeing DISEQUILIBRIUM. By even-ing myself with the 'standards' of the society, when I had fulfilled all but one standard, I find it to be too trivial to dwell on matters such as appearance. Because by comparison, you have much more flaws than I do, and you take pride in but one matter and that is all. So you tell me who is shallow now.

I am no preacher nor a valedictorian to spread out any 'word of wisdom'. I am TIRED. REALLY. Tired of fulfilling all those expectations. I don't want to end up being labelled stereotypically as the 'misfit who doesn't really have good qualities' so I rise up to the challenge. Potential, consciously or subconsciously is and must be cultivated at whatever risk available.

Because at the end of the day, I don't only want to prove them wrong with their 'allegations and accusations', I want to prove myself wrong as well. That I can be better. That I don't live up to other people's expectation.

If still, at the end of the day, you only see me with my outward appearance, it is up to you. My potential is mine to be cultivated. How I cultivate it, I think I have pretty much laid it. Your potential is your right. Exercise the right. Don't talk of the status quo if you're not ready to be challenged.

Just remember that, NO ONE is born stupid. And by no one it covers all the misfits as well, be it black, fat, or fags.

I can learn as much as you can. One is not all.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Do YOU have it?

I'm going to talk about POTENTIAL and this post is going to be 'dedicated' to Nazri Jelani aka Nazz.

I'm gonna need some time to put the bits and pieces together, though.

'Bear with me'! Ngee

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Last Night.

A sense of revelation came to me.

That I'd probably been talking more than I should be.

That I'd been caring for more things than I should.

That I'd been caring less for things I should be.

What is this feeling? This epiphany? So I asked myself last night. It felt calm and yet quite melancholic at the same time.

Is it just me?

From today onwards I decide to revert into being the old me. The one that I know most of. The one that I identify with. The one that needs no identification to others.

It had been tiring over the past month not so much on serious matters but on trivial things which could be avoided had I the courage and the will to put a stop to it.

What is it in this life that I want to accomplish?

What lacks?

What is excessive?

Where is the love?

I need to find those answers.

p/s: Tomorrow's the ESL internship interview. I've been disappointed for so many times that it matters little nowadays. I need a girdle ;p